You Bet I Do!!

           

               “It was 20 years ago today……” This was the opening line to arguably one of the greatest albums ever recorded- Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band by that little pop quartet, the Beatles. And it was 20 years ago today that Cindy Todd, in front of God and a bunch of family and friends, swore to love me in sickness and in health, and in blah, blah, blah, till death do us part. And so far, she has lived up to that oath, because we’re both still kicking, and we are still married. Whouda thunk???

                Let’s get a little perspective. Let’s borrow Doc Brown’s flux capacitor and go back in time to 1994. I finally graduated college and, breaking my girlfriend Cindy’s heart, moved to Texas with my college roomie Shawn McEvoy. We found a decent little apartment in Arlington, and I got a job as an Assistant Manager at Blockbuster Video. (Remember video stores??) Cindy was working in the Admissions Dept at OBU. That summer Shawn and I saw a few good movies- “The Lion King” had just opened, as well as “Forrest Gump”. (I’m sure Shawn and I painted a fine picture as two adult men openly sobbing in the theatre as Forrest buried Jenny.) We also watched former football player OJ Simpson lead police on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride in his white Ford Bronco. And at the end of the year, the Dallas Cowboys were marching their way to play in the Super Bowl in early 1995. But I had other plans- I finally manned up, bought a ring, and when Cindy came for a visit that summer, I popped the big question. Her immediate response was “Are you serious??!!??” Then she said “I don’t know. I have to think about it.” And she thought about it- overnight. That was an awkward evening, I can assure you. But the next day, after I had been sweating all night, she finally said “Yes”. And so began our long, epic journey together.

               

                Cindy became Mrs. Bartley on Dec. 31, 1994. New Year’s Eve. It was cold that night, my friends. We got married at 6:00 at the Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Oklahoma City, with a reception immediately following. Of course, being good Baptist boys and girls, there was no imbibing of spirits, nor was there any gesticulating to music. But a good time was had by all. Cindy and I stayed at a B & B that night, while we hear that several of our friends went out to some local honky tonk and danced and partied the night away. Some people even met spouses there, but that’s another story.

                Being a responsible husband, I had to get a real job. I had been managing the local movie theater in Shawnee since my return to Oklahoma, but I needed something more stable. So I turned to the one thing that I was trained for in college- teaching. Fortunately my alma mater, Del City High, was in need of an English Teacher at the semester, and they welcomed me with open arms. Cindy and I settled down in Shawnee where we have remained ever since.

                A lot has happened over 20 years. We have both gone through the “better and worse”, and we have always been there for each other for all of it. There were births: Sabrina, Marilyn, and our twin sons. And there have been deaths: our twin sons, Cindy’s dad Bob, and my mothers, Sherry and Geraldine. There have been job changes: after Cindy had worked loyally for years at a local semi-Christian college, she was unceremoniously dumped. But she landed on her feet, and became a counselor at Shawnee High School, where she is still making a difference in kids’ lives. I taught, went to grad school, taught some more, tried to sell insurance, and finally taught some more. I’m currently also at Shawnee High School, where I teach just a few feet away from my darling bride. It’s a good thing we like each other……

                Yes, we have gone through a lot in these 20 years, as most couples do. Ours in not the perfect marriage- whose is? There have been times when I wanted to strangle my buttercup, and I know for a fact (perhaps even right now) when she has wanted to strangle me. There has been much laughter and many tears. And I can’t think of a better way to have spent these 20 years, then with my best friend. (I know- it’s such a vomit-inducing cliché, but she really is my best friend.) She’s my BFF, my bestie, my Constant, the love of my life. We’re not lovey-dovey huggy-wuggy people, but I know that I will always love her with a passion and an unwavering love, and I can say with certainty that she feels the same for me. I’m not sure I believe in “soul-mates”, or that we’re destined for only one person, or that God provides us with these people. But I do know that every day I thank God for letting be married to Cindy Todd Bartley. Happy Anniversary babe- I love you. Let’s try for another twenty!!!

That Gum You Like is Going to Come Back in Style

Hey kids- I'm afraid it's been too long since my last post. I hope you haven't forgotten me! I'm sure you've been clamoring for my latest entry- and here it is! I feel like I need to write to get over some painful events that have taken place in the past 24 hours. So I'm going to talk about one of the greatest television shows ever to grace the silver screen. Of course, if you haven't already guessed from the title of this post- it's Twin Peaks!! Yes, that show from the 90's that caused millions around the country to gather round the boob tube every week to learn who killed Twin Peaks' sweetheart, Laura Palmer.

You see, back in 1990 I was actually living in sunny Southern California, struggling to be a starving actor. The newspapers and TV guide and entertainment fanzines were all hyping a new show by mastermind director David Lynch that was going to premiere in April on ABC. (Remember, this was back in the days when the internets was just a twinkle in Al Gore's eye.) It sounded interesting, so I watched the pilot episode- and I was immediately hooked. It was like nothing I had ever seen on television before. It was weird, funny, surreal, frightening, and weird, all at the same time. The characters were bizarre, to say the least, and the jazzy musical score added an extra layer of unearthly lushness to each episode. Essentially, it was a soap opera. It had a murder mystery set in a small town, but it also juggled multiple other sub-plots dealing with a plethora of characters. (I believe this is partially what led to its early demise- I think it tried to do TOO much.) But I loved it, and I couldn't wait to watch it each week.

The first season was only 8 episodes, and much to my delight, it was picked up for a second season. That's when the wheels started to fall off. Several things contributed to its death. First, the network wanted the murder resolved, so just a few episodes into the second season, the killer of Laura Palmer was revealed. But now what? The showrunners struggled to create new interesting story lines to want to keep people tuning in. Second, it's masterminds, David Lynch and Mark Frost, had less to do with the show, leaving it to other people. The show limped along in its second season, but Lynch came back for the finale, and it was great! Unfortunately, its ratings had dropped so much, that the network cancelled it. And the show ended on a massive cliffhanger!! What was to become of Agent Cooper???

Why did I love the show so much? Several reasons. Something I've learned about myself is I am really drawn to a story if I like the characters. And Twin Peaks has one of my favorite fictional characters of all time- Agent Dale Cooper. I thought he was so friggin cool. And when he spoke the infamous line "You know, this is- excuse me- a damn fine cup of coffee", I knew I had a soulmate. There were other eccentric characters that I was drawn to as well. All richly drawn, and just a bit strange. The other thing I'm drawn to in a show or film are the visuals. And David Lynch has such a unique, surreal visual and aural style. In fact, I will admit, that I am willing to forgive holes in the plot or other flaws if I am taken in by the characters or the visuals. Recently, my dear friend Alex Greenwood (who is a celebrated novelist- check out Amazon for his newest book "Pilate's Blood"- you won't regret it!) dismissed my darling show as being "weird for weird's sake". And he may be right. But I don't care, because I was drawn into the world of Twin Peaks, and I loved every minute I was there.

So why the sudden interest in a show that's been gone for almost 25 years? Well, brace yourselves kids, just a few weeks ago it was announced that in 2016 Twin Peaks will return for 9 episodes on Showtime, and they will all be written and directed by Frost and Lynch!!! When I saw that, I squealed like a little girl and peed my pants just a bit! You see, in the final episode, in one of the bizarre dream sequences, dream Laura Palmer told dream Dale Cooper she would see him again in 25 years. And it will be 25 years in 2016!!!! Finally some closure! But I'm trying to temper my enthusiasm a bit. Seldom do sequels that have taken decades to get made live up to the originals. (I'm looking at you Phantom Menace, and Indiana Jones.) But a girl can dream, can't she? I can't wait to see the return of Cooper, Sheriff Truman, Audrey, Laura, and the remaining cast of kooks! It may not live up to the original, but with Lynch back at the helm, I know it's going to be a trippy ride! So in 2016 I will subscribe to Showtime, bake a cherry pie, make a pot of hot, black coffee, and step through the Black Lodge (avoiding the dancing dwarf) into the the small, dreamy, northwest town, that is known as Twin Peaks. See you there!!!

Confidence and Perspective

"I will NEVER teach again!!!" Never say never, my friends. That was the phrase that I swore to myself when I left education about seven years ago. You see, I had been teaching high school for several years. And I was burned out. Like totes burned out. And I couldn't wait to get out and find a "real" job. I had been searching for years, to no avail. Every test I took told me that I should be in sales, but I had NO desire to do that. I applied for several jobs, had some interviews, and came close a few times to getting another job, but it never came to fruition. Until one day, a friend of mine who was in the insurance biz, invited me along on a trip that he had won to San Francisco. I went, and had a great time. And was exposed to just how much dough those insurance folks can make. I thought I knew, but I really didn't- some of those people were loaded! I thought "I can do this!!" So I took some tests, quit my teaching job, and became a self-employed insurance agent, selling policies for a MAJOR company.


Here's where the "confidence" comes in. The only grown-up job I had ever worked was in education, so this was a whole new world to me. Alec Baldwin's words rang in my ear constantly- "Always Be Closing!" "Coffee is for closers!"

So I trained, and went out to close the deal. All I had to do was convince business owners to let me sell policies to their employees- easy, right? I mean, who wouldn't want that for their employees? But I quickly discovered it wasn't that easy. At all. Nobody trusts an insurance guy, and business owners did not want to talk to me. Some of them were downright mean. (Unfortunately, one of the worst experiences I had was at a local Christian college- but that's another story.) I kept plugging away, but each day my confidence in my ability to do the job, and my confidence in myself, slowly eroded. I became moody and irritable. I would pull up in front of businesses and literally become paralyzed with fear- I wouldn't even get out of my car. I would just drive away. Every once in a while I would have a little success- enough to delude me that I should keep trying. You see, the bottom line was- I was no good at this. I just didn't have the stomach for it. I think it's natural for some folks, but for me, it was not. And it was so frustrating. I worked with people who made it look so easy- they would go out, open new accounts with ease, and make tons of cash. While I continued to wither away. Finally, after five years of shame and embarrassment, I allowed myself to think what was previously the unthinkable. "Maybe I should go back to teaching...."

So I did. The school I was at previously had an English position available, and I went back. And you know what boys and girls? It ain't so bad! Here's where the "perspective" part comes in. Now that I've tried to make it in the "real world", the stuff that would really frustrate me at school doesn't bother me much anymore. It feels safe and comfortable. And most of all- I think I'm pretty good at it. Now don't get me wrong- there's no Movie of the Week based on me, and Morgan Freeman will not play me in a film. But I feel somewhat confident about my skills in a classroom. And it feels good. I haven't felt good about myself in a long time. My five years in a dog-eat-dog job was probably the most humbling experience of my life. And to be honest, I don't know if I've fully recovered. There are still days when I don't feel too good about myself, or confident in my abilities. But I think I'm slowly getting back to me. And I like that.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Oh boo-hoo- would you like some cheese with your wine??" Yes, I have been on a pretty big pity party for a while. I have a really good life. Wonderful wife, fabulous kids, and food, shelter, and clothing. I've got everything I need. So if it sounds like I'm whining a bit, it's because I am. But shouldn't we be allowed to every once in a while?? Besides- cheese really goes well with wine. So the next time I start to get down on myself, I'll just pour myself another glass of Pinot Noir, and really focus on all of the wonderful things in my life. And who knows? Maybe Paul Giamatti will play me in the major motion picture "Mr. Bartley's Opus".

Here's Scotty!!!!

Well- I'm back. Over the last several years I have grown weary of responding to the copious amounts of requests from my adoring fans- "When are you going to write again??" They would look at me, pleading, tears forming in their eyes- it was sad. So I'm giving in, and bringing joy to the masses once more. You can thank me later.

Why was I gone? Several reasons. First and foremost- I was going through a pretty rough patch professionally, and it eventually took a toll on my fragile ego. In fact, it almost eradicated any confidence that I had in myself. So writing about pointless things that were ensconced in snark didn't really seem all that important to me.

Why am I back? I'm not real sure, to be honest. I am in a better place- I'm back to teaching high school, and so far this time around, I seem to be enjoying it. (I think what I really love about it is that I can go back to bathing in a tub filled with hundred dollah bills from all the fat cheddar that I make teaching the public kiddies.) I think what has really inspired me, though, is I am feeling an incredible itch to be creative. I usually feel best about myself when I am scratching that itch. Usually it's fulfilled through my theatrical endeavors, but as I write this there are really no acting plans on the horizon. So I figured I could start writing again.

Over the last 6 months I've had a real strong desire to write something. I want to write a play. A movie. A book. Something. But an epic battle rages inside me- the side that wants to do all of those things, and the side that is a massive, fat, lazy lard, that just wants to sit and do nothing. I am fighting you lard. I really am. I figure by writing this I at least get something going, and who knows- maybe it will lead to something?

The other reason I do this- jealousy. The green-eyed goddess of envy. Every day I am bombarded by bloggers and blowhards who have gained some sort of fame and notoriety by pumping out garbage to the masses. And I always think- "I can pump out garbage too. Bigger and more better!!" Some yahoo puts a video of himself talking like Batman to his kids, or doing a wacky lip-sync in the car with his daughters, and he becomes a "viral sensation". I want to be a viral sensation. Is that wrong? Does that make me shallow and vapid? If so, I will wear my vapidness like a big crown of chocolate on my head. And then I will eat it.

Sorry this post is somewhat rambling. I have a lot of stuff banging to escape from my old noggin, and I'm just trying to let it flow. I promise, if you stick with me, future posts will be more coherent. And more entertaining. After all- how can I get my own reality show with this kind of garbled mess? Take my hand, and journey forth with me. Please??? (Is that too needy?)